Oh! You Pretty Things

So, earlier today I was having a root through my ol' book shelf and I came across this absolute classic - 'The Complete Beauty Book'. Purchased for a mere 50p in a charity shop, this 1985 beauty bible reckoned it was pretty avant-garde and aimed to 'take the science out of the art of makeup', whatever that means. 

It offers valuable nuggets of advice for any beauty novice; why not use a ruler to ensure your blusher is at a really nice angle? A black eyeliner definitely makes a good eyebrow pencil. Five shades of garish, pearlescent eyeshadow makes for a good day-look. And if you're wearing really heavy eye makeup, well, you might as well go the whole hog and wear dark lipstick as well. 

The hefty hardback is divided into sections for makeup, skin and haircare, with my own personal favourite sub-section being 'Disco and Elaborate Evening Makeup'. They aim to show readers of all ages how they can enhance their looks - this beauty was found under the teenagers and twenties category.... really?

Something about this old gal's expression makes me almost wet myself. I think it's how she's so pleased with her makeover, one eye bulges right out of her head. 

In the body care section, it more or less descends into soft porn (...and this is one of the less steamy images)

The skin care section shows several elaborate ways you can do a face mask, including slicing up an entire punnet of strawberries. The two green ones are firm favourites - the model looks understandably rather angry at having salad on her face.

Here is a rather delightful lipstick-themed montage. 

Now on to the best bit - a series of glamour shots that are so soft focused, it looks as if the photographer smeared Vaseline over the lens (to be fair - they probably did). Thinking about it, they look like the portraits that Deb takes in Napoleon Dynamite. Whilst you enjoy these bad-boys, just imagine living an era when looking like this was not only perfectly acceptable, but condoned!

Think I definitely finished on a high note there. Right, I'm off to try out all these looks.